He is Trustworthy
Well we have been in our new space for a month now. Although it’s not a house, it has been a blessing to us. I’m very used to condo living for the past 12 years so it is nice to have people around us especially in a new state. We are on the bottom floor so the kids can stomp around without disturbing anyone so that is wonderful. We live right on the edge of Los Angeles so we are not in the heart of the city. The Lord is very kindly easing me into city living. He knew it would be a big adjustment for me and He is so patient and gentle. The area around us is very beautiful. We have mountains all around us and it is very green with loads of trees. We have been spending our days catching up on school and then playing at the parks in the afternoons. We are all adjusting slowly but surely. The girls miss Branson just about every night, but all the kids have been so brave with all this new and change. They are boldly making new friends when we visit the parks in the afternoons.
It is hard to put into words all that Matt and I have been experiencing spiritually out here, but I will do my best. Lord Jesus please guide my heart and hands as I type this and may it be used for your glory. The Lord is definitely doing a deep heart work in both of us, all of us really. And the one word that sums it all up is TRUST. I have talked about this in past blogs, but He is just continuing this work much deeper. I was pretty sure that I was in a deep place of trust with the Lord, not that I was perfect by any means, but when the Lord started speaking to us about moving to California I was like YES Lord! You say it and we will go! But now that I am here and I am away from everything that I have known for the last 30+ years, all kinds of fears, worries, and doubts have found their way to the surface. I didn’t really want to be that YES Lord girl if it was going to be this hard, I just wanted something safe and comfortable. I didn’t realize how much it would shake me to leave all that I knew but Whew. I found myself wanting to stay close to our condo, not go too far out. I found myself facing old fears and anxieties that the Lord has long delivered me from. All kinds of what ifs. What if something horrible happens to one of the kids, or me, or Matt. But the Lord began to speak to my heart through many different ways. Through Matt, through an amazing friend who has walked through these same waters before, through many friends and family, and His Word. First, He is calling us out, out of our comfort zone. Out of the comfortable, out to the deep. It is something I have always wanted, but didn’t realize how hard it would be. But to be out here in the deep with Him, I have to trust Him. Taking us out of our place of comfort stretches us and tests us. Will I trust Him out here in the unknown. Where we don’t know the full plan. Where nothing is familiar. These fears and anxieties have risen up, but He wants me to come to Him with them so that He can carry them for me. He reminded me that true freedom comes when I truly let go and trust Him to take care of all the what ifs. Driving is one thing that has been a big fear out here. I don't like driving around on these city streets. There are so many cars, and even more parked on the sides of the roads. Everyone drives wild out here too so you always have to be paying super close attention. So I always try to avoid the main roads and drive through neighborhoods instead. The safe way. I have been going out and driving during nap time on the weekends to get myself used to driving around here. I went out one day and was taking my usual back roads when I felt the Lord tug on my heart, asking me to pull out on a main road. I would love to say that I listened and trusted, but i didn't. I went home the safe way. When I got home the Lord continued to touch my heart. I began to listen to a sermon that was all about God asking us to go out into the deep and trust Him. I wasn't trusting that He would be out there with me. I was trusting my way more than His. This hit my heart pretty hard. Oh how I want to trust Him with everything, and here I was struggling with just this small little thing. He created the whole world, you and me. He sent His son, out of His unsearchable love, to die for all of us. I'm pretty sure He can carry me through this fear. I was convicted. So thankful for His great love and mercy to continue to pursue us. He didn't want this fear to have victory over me, so He continued to call me out. So after dinner the girls and I got in the car. They wanted to go out with me and help me face my fear. This time I did it His way. I was scared, but He helped me to do it. I continue to drive each weekend as He leads on the big crazy roads, and faithfully He is there with me each time. This is just an example of the deep heart work He is doing. Daily I have things come before me where I hear His whisper, "Will you trust me in this?" It has been hard and painful, but I know that it is for my good. He is speedily growing us all in a deeper place of trust, preparing us for what He has coming.
Matt is growing deeply as well in trust. We have been praying and seeking very much what the Lord wants us to do out here. We have been seeking what job direction the Lord wants Matt to take. This last week Matt was very challenged with this as the Lord is not leading him to any specific direction yet. As you can imagine this is very challenging. We know how much it costs to live out here and being the head of the household he feels that responsibility and weight. So Matt went up to our rooftop where he spends time in prayer and just was at that done point. He said, Lord I really need to know something now. What do you want me to do. If you want me to wait, I will wait, and if you want me to just get a random job somewhere I will, just let me know. He opened the Bible to scripture which spoke all about waiting on God and that suddenly He will bring it to pass. It also talks about how his people were in the wilderness and they did not thirst. He provided water from the rock. Matt knew this was his answer. We must continue to wait. Even though everything in us wants to do the opposite sometimes, we will continue to wait on God. God is doing a new thing, and they who wait on the Lord will not be put to shame. His plans and ways are so much higher than ours. He will continue to guide and to provide. And He has been providing for us in so many ways out here. Last week I wrote our first real rent check. It was of course way ridiculous California rent. As I was writing it I was talking to the Lord. I told Him, “Lord, I am writing this. I am not happy about it because this is crazy, but I am writing it.” And literally shortly after I said that I got a text from a friend asking for our address because they wanted to sow into what we are doing out here. I smiled... Ok Lord, you got this.
So we pray that we will continue to have the strength to wait on Him, trust Him, and do this His way and not ours. We also continue to pray for all our brothers and sisters in the body who are going through the same thing as God is doing something massive and new in the body of Christ. Thank you all for the constant love, prayers, and support. It means so much and is carrying us through. Please let us know if there are specific things we can pray for you. We would love to stand in agreement in prayer with you.
Lord Jesus you are good. Even in the unknown and hard. Thank you that your word says you will NEVER leave us or forsake us. Thank you for helping us all to grow in a deeper place of trust with you, and thank you for your amazing love and patience. We are excited to see what you are doing in this new season and decade. Help our ears, hearts, and mind to be open to your voice and leading. In Jesus name, Amen.