Update! October 2023
Updated: Oct 14
I know it has been a bit since we have posted anything, two years to be exact, but here I am. We have been in Kingman, KS the last two years since we returned from California. When we returned, we were not led that Matt should return to working a 9-5 job, and still haven't been up to this point. We are not opposed to working a 9-5 job at all, the Lord just has not led us to that at this point. To say this has been a challenge for us would be a HUGE understatement. Now, God has faithfully provided for our family, above and beyond, and we have hurt for nothing. Many family and friends have poured into our family in many different ways as the Lord has led them, which there are no words for our thankfulness to all of them. The challenge really has been more in our hearts and minds as we wait on the Lord and try to understand what He is doing with us and asking us to do. During these two years the Lord has been doing a deep purifying and cleansing work in our hearts for sure, teaching us that we can trust Him deeply, which unfortunately we fight and resist sometimes. We've always prayed to live a radical life for Him, and He is definitely answering that prayer, but definitely not how we imagined. Which is usually His fashion. Going against the grain of this world is hard. We've had to die to our pride and flesh so much, but God is doing something so beautiful as He helps us to surrender and let go of our ways and trust His. Sixteen some odd years ago, back before kids, when the Lord began to really draw Matt and I to Him, we felt the Lord was leading us to be missionaries. We were ready to pack up all our things and head over seas, when the Lord placed a man on our path one day. We began telling him about our desire, and he spoke words to Matt and I that have never left and felt like God himself speaking to us. He said, "You don't have to go overseas to be missionaries. There is so much need here in the U.S." We knew that word was for us. Fast forward sixteen years, here we are sitting in Kingman, KS, struggling to understand what the Lord is doing and why we are still sitting here. But all the while, while we have been waiting, the Lord has continued to draw all the kids in the town to our space. And not just a couple, but some twenty different kids have been in and out of our yard for the past two years. Now yes we do have five kids of our own, but I homeschool them so it is not that they met them at school, they have just been coming. The last two weeks the Lord has been really shifting my perspective and mindset. I have been so focused on what is our next step, this can't be what the Lord wants us to do, it is so uncomfortable and hard, that I haven't been fully embracing what He is doing right now, right here. All the kids, broken and hurt in some way or another, that we have been blessed to love on, feed, guide, nurture, listen to, play with, and create a safe place. To show them that they are seen and heard. And they continue to come back, each day. Drawn to the light of the Lord. Longing to be seen and needing truth and life poured into them. He began to help me see that we are missionaries right now. As I began to embrace this more and more and let go, my heart began to shift. You see the thought of us doing this in some other poverty stricken country was a lot more comfortable for me. People pouring into us as we were serving those that the Lord placed before us, but that is what we are doing here. And the words of that man from sixteen some odd years ago came back to me. The Lord has answered our prayer, we are being used as missionaries, right here, right now. Loving these kids and anyone else He brings our way, that need His love. And this is just the beginning. So I am asking you to pray with us and for us. That we will have the courage and strength to continue to walk this out as the Lord would ask us to no matter how against the grain of this world it may be. That we would be faithful with what and who He brings our way. That we would not resist His ways no matter how out of the box they may be. Because to love is truly the greatest calling.